New Blog Address

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Here it is:

If you want to follow my new blog, be sure to sign up for email updates or update your feed on the new page.  (If you have questions, email me at

Starting a New Blog

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I have decided to move on from this blog for at least the time being.  I am tired of focusing on infertility and chronic pain.  I have to face the reality that I may live the rest of my life in pain.  If that is so, then I want my life to have a different kind of focus.  I never heard back on that support group for infertility, and maybe that’s best.  I feel I have learned and experienced all I can on this subject.  I feel I am becoming a broken record.  Plus, I want to live my life with hope.  I am facing a child less future unless I decide to adopt.  I do feel that I would like to adopt.  However, since that is not in the cards right now, I would like to focus on other things.  I will continue to leave this blog up for those who are going through infertility, so they will not feel alone, and for others to understand all it entails.  My new blog is just going to be about the things that interest me.  It will be about my life, my loves, my spiritual life, and all that God is teaching me.  I may review books and movies.  I may write about art and crafts.  I may write about counseling and the word of God.  I will post the address as soon as it is up, if you are interested.  If not, thank you for your interest, your time, your prayers, your comments, and your encouragement.  I do not want infertility to define me any more.  I’m just gonna be me.

A Day in the Life

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We do not have much to report lately, what with just staying home to mend well.  But I could tell you a little about how we are spending our time….   We sleep in.  I know that sounds rough, but we stay up all night.  We stay up because Garon works until four am, and I would rather sleep when he sleeps.  We cook and we eat.  Garon plays on the computer, I read, and we watch Bones marathons together.  We talk a lot (not just me, Garon speaks too).  We laugh and we cry (lack of hormones are making me crazy).  Actually, Garon doesn’t cry, he just listens.  :)  Once a day, we try to get out for about an hour or so.  We may go to the grocery store, or the library, or get a cheap bite to eat, etc.  If not I get stir crazy.  Before you go thinking we love the good life, we are getting bored.  There is only so many movies you can watch, shows you can watch, and books you can read.  We miss people.  I miss getting to wear anything that isn’t cotton.  I haven’t worn makeup in three weeks, nor worn my hair in anything other than a pony tail.  Believe me, that’s torture.  :)  Then we water our garden and cook with the fresh basil, parsley, and thyme.  I love fresh herbs.  That’s about it.  Not too exciting huh?

Apology and Thank You

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I keep assuming that most people read our family blog.  If you do not read that one, I must apologize and thank you for all your prayers during this time.  We greatly appreciate all the prayers, thoughts, encouraging words, magazines, movies, meals, goodies, and etc.  We are thankful for all the love you show us every day.  You are truly showing us Christ in every way.  You guys are the best friends and family anyone could possibly ask for and I will never forget it.  Love, Me

Still Kicking

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Hello everyone.  I am doing well.  My stomach and incision is healing wonderfully.  It no longer hurts.  However, my back pain is still there, so I have been taken off my hormones.  I am going through menopause to kill the rest of the disease.  I am in good spirits.  I have been thinking a lot about adoption.  I truly believe I want to adopt, but now I think I’d rather wait a little bit.  I was talking with Garon about spending some time focused on God, paying off our debt, and focusing on our marriage.  Then maybe a few years from now, adopting maybe an older child.  I don’t know.  I am about to turn thirty, so it makes us feel like we have all the time in the world.  Not having my ticking time bomb of a uterus is actually a relief.  Right now, I am trying to focus on my marriage.  It is exciting, not having all of this pain over our heads.  I think I’m falling in love with my husband all over again.  We want to travel too.  Maybe when we travel we could adopt internationally, but I want to wait until we are out of school.  We’ve had so much going on these past few years.  It is exciting  to think of the future.  I can’t wait to see what’s next…. For once it feels like anything exciting could happen.  I’m actually looking forward to spending the next few years with my husband, doing things we would not have been able to do otherwise.  I want a family.  I always have, but now it feels like we are getting some extra time to do some other things, and it feels right.  Used to, I thought I would die if I could not be a young mother, or have my own children.  Now, this whole thing feels right.  Could God actually be changing my desires?  Now I can focus on finishing school, focus on doing what God wants me to do, get to know my husband better, get out of debt, travel, and still have a family….  We could have all done this before, I know… But it would have been harder having children while we were still in school…  I am not knocking having children at a young age, I am just shocked that I feel good about all of this, almost like I have been given a new lease on life….  Strange…

I feel like a teenager…

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I sound so angsty all the time.  I am either on cloud nine lately, or down in the dumps.  My husband thinks it is the hormones.  “Like anyways,”  I have some new music on here.  It is not melodramatic.  It is where I am at now, and yet it is very much praising the Father.  Revive Me by Jeremy Camp is the one I most feel like, because I need reviving desperately.  The words speak what I feel way better than I ever could to the Lord.  Forgive Me by Rebecca St. James/Barlow Girl is what I need to say to the Lord, for forsaking Him, and ignoring Him during this hard time.  As usual I’m trying to do it all in my own power.  The others are pretty self explanatory.  Enjoy!

Revive Me Lyrics

Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don’t seek your word
Great are your tender mercies Lord

Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

You give me understanding
According to your word
Great peace for those who seek your face
I long for salvation
My lips shall praise your name
I rejoice in the treasure of your keep

Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

For all my ways are before you
I let your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores you
Let my cry come before you oh Lord

Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

Oh, Revive me
Revive me

Forgive Me Lyrics

For all the times I’ve failed You, Lord
Forgive me
For all the ways I’ve fallen short
Lord, forgive me now
God, I’m so in need of grace
I fall upon my face
Forgive me

You see the tears fall down my face
Forgive me
Take my fear, Lord, take my shame
Lord, forgive me now
Purify me, make me new
Like only You can do
Forgive me now

Lord, we come to honor You
We are forgiven
We bring our love and thanks to You
We are forgiven now

God we praise You for Your grace
Before You we are raised
God we praise You for Your grace
Before You we are raised

Recovering Wonderfully

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I’m feeling good and doing well.  Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts.  The surgery went well.  It was painful recuperating at first, but not as bad as I thought it would be.  They were able to get everything out without any complications, but for one implantation on my rectum.  If they had proceeded, they could have damaged my bowels.  I am very thankful they did not.  :)  That is supposed to die slowly, but is going to be killed by having the hormones removed.  In time, I should be better than before.  I can not wait.  I am happy.  Thrilled actually!  Now we need some bright and happy music, to uplift this place.  New music coming soon and more updates on recovery.  See you soon!

Tuesday is the Day!

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Tuesday morning, I will be at the hospital at 5:45 am getting ready for surgery.  Surgery will be at 6:30 am.  I am ready!  Tomorrow, I will be doing a bowel prep, so I will not be going anywhere, or calling anyone.  hahaha  Love you guys!  Wish me luck!

John Piper on counseling those who suffer…

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This is a portion of an article I found at :

It is about how to counsel those who suffer, and why it is important.

“We must talk so as to make suffering seem
normal and purposeful, and not surprising in
this fallen age. The forces of American culture
are almost all designed to build the opposite
worldview into our minds. Maximize comfort,
ease, and security. Avoid all choices that might
bring discomfort, trouble, difficulty, pain, or
suffering. Add this cultural force to our natural
desire for immediate gratification and fleeting
pleasures, and the combined power to undermine
the superior satisfaction of the soul in the
glory of God through suffering is huge.
If we would see God honored in each
other’s lives as the supreme value, highest
treasure, and deepest satisfaction of our lives,
then we must each strive with all our might to
live and to show the meaning of suffering, and
help others see the wisdom and power andgoodness of God behind it ordaining; above it
governing; beneath it sustaining; and before it
preparing. This is the hardest work in the
world: to change the minds and hearts of fallen
human beings, and make God so precious to
each other that we count it all joy when trials
come, and exult in our afflictions, and rejoice in
the plundering of our property, and say in the
end, “To die is gain.”….

Counseling is about doing
the impossible: making the rich young ruler fall
out of love with his comfortable lifestyle and
into love with the King of kings so that he
“joyfully” sells all that he has to gain that
treasure (Matt. 13:44). Jesus said very simply,
“With man this is impossible” (Matt. 19:26).
The aim of our ministry to each other is
impossible. No techniques will make it succeed.
“But with God all things are possible.””


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I am feeling great trepidation as I decide where to begin.  Perhaps I should start with the fact that we are pretty sure, we are through with fertility treatments.  Unless, the doctor totally convinces us otherwise, we want to be finished.  I got a doctor’s appointment with my OB/GYN for the thirtieth of May.  We intend to go in there, and discuss a hysterectomy.  We aim to have one at the end of June, after we move into our new apartment.  Then in late July, I will be able to look for a job.  That is just a tentative plan, it all depends on what the doctor has to say.  I have been doing research and have spoken with a friend in her early thirties, who had a hysterectomy at my age.  She had the same problems I have, and said that her health improved 500%.  Crazy huh?  She has no regrets.  I also have a friend in her sixties, whom I am going to call and see what she thinks.  She also had these problems, and had a hysterectomy at the age of twenty eight.  She has said in the past, that she does not regret it, only wishes she had done it sooner.  So the Lord, has put a few people in my life who have been there, to encourage me.  Then lately, everywhere I go people are talking about foster care.  My chiropractor brought it up the other day, and asked me if I was interested.  He knew I had problems conceiving.  He gave me his wife’s number to call.  The other day while waiting for my appointment with the pastor’s wife, I met a couple who were doing foster care.  They felt like they were through, but they had hoped to adopt, and they had already had a few children.  The chiropractor and his wife received infants, that they adopted, who are now teenagers.  They also have just received a six year old for fostering toward adoption.  I know it would be hard.  Please do not tell me how hard this would be, I am well aware of the ramifications.  However, my husband and I are in debt, and this could be the only way for us to experience parenthood.  Not only that, this may very well be God’s calling on my life.  I know I can get dreadfully attached, but why not give it a shot?  When God could very well bless us with a child to adopt?  If not, then we will know, and feel that we have at least tried.  We do not know if this would be feasible while we are in school, we are just researching our options right now.  We know we want children, but we are aware that they probably will not be our biological children, and we are fine with that.  I cry at random times, while cooking, and while setting the alarm clock, (weird huh?) but I feel at peace.  Truly.

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