Rachel Made Me
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Okay, Rachel’s making me do something fun for once. Like I am any good at fun… :) So here goes:
I’ve been tagged:
This one time in High School, I: You really don’t want to know anything I did in high school. I was bad, very very bad. Okay, maybe this is tame enough. We stole the guard shack in the parking lot from the parking Nazi, and threw it in a ditch. Hey, it was funny at the time… I don’t remember much about it. Stupid kids. 
What are you listening to right now: My fan whirring in the background next to my humidifier. (I am so getting old.)
Guilty Pleasure: Fashion and celebrity mags. (I am so nosey!)
Favorite Food: Greek (I especially love mint tea, and kibby with cucumber sauce.)
Habit I want to break: This funk I am in, I don’t ever want to do anything. Not even fun stuff, I think I am slightly depressed.
Habit I want to keep: Reading, I can never get enough.
Married or Single? Married for three and a half years.
Are you Happy? I love my life, but I’m kind of scared right now. I have a great future ahead of me, but I am afraid because so much can go wrong. I would rather have joy and peace, than happiness any day.
Biggest Pet Peeve: Unfairness, I have to have justice.
Chocolate, Vanilla, or neither: Can’t stand vanilla, only like chocolate at certain times of the month. Much prefer fruity things.
Dream Vacation: Greece with my husband. Swimming, shopping, and eating. Sounds so romantic..
Worst Vacation Idea: Doing a ton of stuff, growing up that was the way our vacations were. I needed a vacation just to rest up from vacation time. I like to see stuff, but I like a much slower pace than my regular life.
Favorite Book: The Count of Monte Cristo Can’t remember the author right now, to save my life.
Favorite Music: Ahh, jazzy stuff. Alexa Ray Joel, Joss Stone, Ginny Owens, Alicia Keys and of course Girls who rock out…. (that’s not a band, but what kind I like..)
Person You Admire That’s Not a Relative: Ginny Owens who faces her blindness and only cares about pleasing her heavenly Father. People who adopt (it ain’t easy), and yet they do the difficult to love on children who need it. Maybe I’m not supposed to say my husband, but he is the first person I thought of. He never gives up, has more patience than anyone I know, and has a ton of faith and trust in the Lord. I wish I were more like him.
Tag:
I really have no one to tag.
Infertility Humor
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This is a WARNING, some jokes contain adult content. I tried to leave off the ones that were dirty, but these are kind of graphic. Infertility Humor is hard to be clean, when it deals with bodily functions and certain body parts.
“A man was at an infertility clinic, and was told to go and bring back a sample. He thought the nurse was asking for a urine sample, and asked if he should fill the cup up. The nurse gave an emphatic “No” and he realized his mistake.”
“When a woman is trying to conceive, she is required to take her Basal Body Temperature every day. A woman had taken her temperature everyday for months, when her friend asked her what the temperature was. The woman replied, “97.7″. The friend clarified that she was asking about the weather.”
“One Sunday morning, a couple went to church right after their IUI, at the doctor’s office. A friend stopped them in the foyer to ask, “Did ya’ll get it up?”. The couple was stunned and thought it crass, until they realized he was talking about the Christmas tree they had just cut down the day before.”
“My husband’s sperm is very clean, they get a bath once a month. It is hard to hang them on the line to dry.”
These were taken from the book, The Infertility Companion by Sandra Glahn and Dr. William Cutrer.
“How does an Re like his eggs? Answer: 20mm” (an RE is a reproductive endocrinologist, who performs IVF)
This is a quote from an article, from another woman’s journey through infertility, that I found hilarious: “I’d love to have learned all this the “easy way” whatever that is, instead of the proverbial “hard way” because, in fact, it’s fascinating. Even, occasionally, funny. Infertility humor, like cancer humor: only for the afflicted. Like the husband who’d masturbated in so many doctor’s offices over so many months, that it was becoming old hat. At an appointment with a new doctor, the nurse sent him to the bathroom with the familiar cup. When he returned, he plopped the cup loudly in front of her, proud of his speediness. The nurse picked it up and, with a lifted eyebrow said, “I wanted a urine sample…”.
The drugs they use on you come from the kinds of places you only hear about in bad sketch comedy. Pergonal, a typical fertility drug, is harvested from the urine of postmenopausal nuns in Italy. No kidding! Premarine, a commonly prescribed hormone, is extracted from the urine of pregnant horses. I can just see doctors standing outside the various latrines with their little buckets: “Are you done in there, ma’am? Just stomp your foot twice…”
Infertility books introduce you to their own little world. One book, referring to the cervical fluid that makes fertilization possible, has a line I find endlessly amusing: “The mucus will be honest with you.” Thank God someone will. Maybe I should ask the mucus if I look fat in this dress?”
From Overcoming Infertility by Deb Victoroff at www.helium.com
Adverse Effects of Fertility Treatments
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There are a lot of jokes out there, about the side effects of certain drugs. You laugh when you hear the commercial promoting something like Wellbutrin, and then the side effects are worse than the actual disease to begin with. Here are a few of the fun side effects from the fertility medicine, Chlomid, that I am currently taking: 1. Hot flashes 2. Night sweats 3. Tender breasts 4. Mood swings 5. Lower abdomen cramps 6. Weight gain 7. Cysts 8. Hyperstimulation Syndrome (which can cause death) 9. Multiple births 10. Can cause miscarriage. 11. Dizziness 12. Wooziness 13. Visual Disturbances. Not all women experience all of these side effects. Every woman’s body is different. However, I have heard testimonies that indicates that all of these side effects are pretty common. I have been lucky, and have only been on two rounds of Chlomid so far. We only intend to do two more rounds after that. We do not want to play Russian Roulette with my health, but some women trust their doctors. Chlomid has been prescribed for thirty years now, and so is relatively safe. But I think all women should do the research before they agree to any treatments, because you are the only one with your best interests in mind. Chlomid is the most commonly used fertility treatment.
Top Ten Things to Do While You Are Waiting for Your IUI Results
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We have an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) each month, which is where they take the husband’s semen and artificially inseminate the wife, by taking a catheter and flushing the semen up into the uterus. That is my very non technical explanation. There is then a two week wait for your period, or blood test (whichever comes first) to see if you are pregnant. It is a very long wait where everyone asks “Are you?” “We don’t know yet.” “Are you?” “It isn’t time yet…” and so forth. Here are some fun things to do while you wait:
10. Spend an hour weighing out the pros and cons, ON PAPER, of a Starbucks run.
9. Wish every pregnant woman you see will get a bad case of hemorrhoids. (I wouldn’t do that, that’s so mean. ((Sarcasm.)))
8. Change your future children’s names 500 times, and then go back to the original ones. (My husband really hates this.)
7. Watch Entertainment shows and put the remote through the T.V. the next time a Hollywood Starlet gets “knocked up”.
6. Eat for two–just in case.
5. Go on a mad shopping spree and spend all your money left for fertility treatments, then God might give you a baby because now you really cannot afford it. (Okay, that’s dumb.)
4. The next time someone (a stranger) asks if you have children, watch their eyes roll back in their head, and their quick excuses to escape, by telling them all of your infertility trials. (I have done this, I do not recommend it unless you have a sadistic sense of humor, which I do. People leave really fast. It is quite funny.)
3. If you really have faith, buy a couple of things of diapers.
2. Enter the Guinness Book of World Records for the “Quickest Nervous Breakdown: 2 hours, 12 minutes, and 17 seconds.”
1. And my favorite one of all: Freaking out the general public by approaching the next person you hear complaining about their children with your checkbook open and asking, “How much?”
These were courtesy of: http://dailystrength.org/c/Infertility/forum/2185320-if-jokes-smile
What Not to Say to an Infertile Woman: The Top Ten
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Some of these have been said to me, and others I got from various sources that had been said to others.
10. “Just relax, and you’ll get pregnant.”
9. “I have a friend who…”
8. “Don’t worry, you can always adopt.”
7. “You’re trying too hard.”
6. “It’s all in your head.”
5. “Can you ever have kids?”
4. “Just adopt and you’ll get pregnant.”
3. “We are so blessed to have our children.”
2. “Do you need us to show you how it’s done?”
1. and my favorite of all: “Want kids? Borrow mine for the weekend, then you’ll really change your mind.”
About
Hi. My name is Laura, and this is my journey through infertility and chronic pain. I hope it will minister to you, or you can use it to minister to someone else.
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