This is a portion of an article I found at :http://ccef.org/pdfs/counseling%20with%20suffering%20people.pdf
It is about how to counsel those who suffer, and why it is important.
“We must talk so as to make suffering seem
normal and purposeful, and not surprising in
this fallen age. The forces of American culture
are almost all designed to build the opposite
worldview into our minds. Maximize comfort,
ease, and security. Avoid all choices that might
bring discomfort, trouble, difficulty, pain, or
suffering. Add this cultural force to our natural
desire for immediate gratification and fleeting
pleasures, and the combined power to undermine
the superior satisfaction of the soul in the
glory of God through suffering is huge.
If we would see God honored in each
other’s lives as the supreme value, highest
treasure, and deepest satisfaction of our lives,
then we must each strive with all our might to
live and to show the meaning of suffering, and
help others see the wisdom and power andgoodness of God behind it ordaining; above it
governing; beneath it sustaining; and before it
preparing. This is the hardest work in the
world: to change the minds and hearts of fallen
human beings, and make God so precious to
each other that we count it all joy when trials
come, and exult in our afflictions, and rejoice in
the plundering of our property, and say in the
end, “To die is gain.”….
Counseling is about doing
the impossible: making the rich young ruler fall
out of love with his comfortable lifestyle and
into love with the King of kings so that he
“joyfully” sells all that he has to gain that
treasure (Matt. 13:44). Jesus said very simply,
“With man this is impossible” (Matt. 19:26).
The aim of our ministry to each other is
impossible. No techniques will make it succeed.
“But with God all things are possible.””
Psalm 9:10 NIV
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
He has never forsaken me. He has continually brought me from the pit and set my feet on solid ground, and yet still I do not trust Him. In Exodus, He punished His people, who did not trust in Him. I fear Him, more than I love Him. The Bible says we are to fear God, but I think it is to be a different kind of fear. My fear thinks God just wants to hurt me, because it is good for me. My husband’s fear of God, is a healthy one. He fears Him, because of awe and respect. Garon knows that God only wants good for His children, and does not want to hurt them. How do I get past this? I know this is the reason I am having all these troubles. Because in spite of everything He has done for me, I still struggle with trust, faith, and hope. I have no hope, even when God has been nothing but good for me. I am beginning to believe that pessimism is a sin, because it does no good, only harm. Faith is trusting in things not seen, correct? Hope is believing something good will happen, right? Maybe, I have the definitions all wrong. Perhaps, I do not understand the concepts. How do you trust a God you can not see, with your life? With your everything? It is sad, I know I can not control a thing, and yet I continue to try. I know God is real. I have seen Him working in my life. He has prevented me from coming to harm when I was in high school, when I ran straight for trouble. He lifted me back up when I hit bottom, and gave me a firm place to stand. He prevented me from going into the military, because He knew that it would harden me. (The military is great, but it was not God’s plan for me.) Every time I tried to be out of His will, He drew me back. He has gotten me out of numerous bad situations. He gave me Garon, after I disobeyed Him. He continually gives me more good things, and has provided us with so much. I still do not know how we are making it, and yet we want for NOTHING. I am so spoiled. Perhaps, that is the problem. I must confess, I have been refusing to read my Bible lately. I have not been doing a devotion for a while now. I long to go back to Him, but why would He keep taking me back? I continually ignore Him and try to go my own way. I am so scared of His way, it has always been SO HARD. I just feel I can not take any more. How do I trust Him? How do I believe in Him more? How can I believe that He wants the best for me? How can I give up control? I feel I would fall apart. I know what I am to believe, but it does not make it any easier.
I am actually writing a paper for school right now on adopting inter racial children. I’ll have to let ya’ll know what I find out and what I think. However, I’ve been reading other people’s blogs about adoption, and they are all about the children. Right now, it is all about me and my desire for kids, and my rights. I realize that if I am going to adopt, I need to look at this completely different. There is no way, I can survive the process without becoming bitter, without the proper attitude. My reasons for adopting can very much affect the process. So why do I really want to adopt? To be honest, I do not even want to right now. I was not willing to go through fertility treatments for long, what makes me think I can handle the adoption process. Yet, there is this part of me, deep down inside, that knows this is right for us. Do I really want to be a Mother, or was it because everyone else had children? I just can not picture myself being a Mommy and being so unselfish, and yet I know deep down I could do it. I am completely lacking in faith right now. I am scared to even think for long about the future, because I can not imagine that I have one. I am so avoiding everything. But when I think very long about my surgery and afterwards, I get weak kneed, terrified, and break out in a cold sweat. I can’t think of all that right now. I can only focus on this surgery. Then after the surgery, I will do my best to get well, and to get financially stable. Then I’ll think about adoption. I just need a little break. However, I had to have a topic for my paper, and I wanted it to be something I was interested in. Perhaps working on this paper, will give me a new thought process.
Okay, Rachel’s making me do something fun for once. Like I am any good at fun… :) So here goes:
I’ve been tagged:
This one time in High School, I: You really don’t want to know anything I did in high school. I was bad, very very bad. Okay, maybe this is tame enough. We stole the guard shack in the parking lot from the parking Nazi, and threw it in a ditch. Hey, it was funny at the time… I don’t remember much about it. Stupid kids.
What are you listening to right now: My fan whirring in the background next to my humidifier. (I am so getting old.)
Guilty Pleasure: Fashion and celebrity mags. (I am so nosey!)
Favorite Food: Greek (I especially love mint tea, and kibby with cucumber sauce.)
Habit I want to break: This funk I am in, I don’t ever want to do anything. Not even fun stuff, I think I am slightly depressed.
Habit I want to keep: Reading, I can never get enough.
Married or Single? Married for three and a half years.
Are you Happy? I love my life, but I’m kind of scared right now. I have a great future ahead of me, but I am afraid because so much can go wrong. I would rather have joy and peace, than happiness any day.
Biggest Pet Peeve: Unfairness, I have to have justice.
Chocolate, Vanilla, or neither: Can’t stand vanilla, only like chocolate at certain times of the month. Much prefer fruity things.
Dream Vacation: Greece with my husband. Swimming, shopping, and eating. Sounds so romantic..
Worst Vacation Idea: Doing a ton of stuff, growing up that was the way our vacations were. I needed a vacation just to rest up from vacation time. I like to see stuff, but I like a much slower pace than my regular life.
Favorite Book: The Count of Monte Cristo Can’t remember the author right now, to save my life.
Favorite Music: Ahh, jazzy stuff. Alexa Ray Joel, Joss Stone, Ginny Owens, Alicia Keys and of course Girls who rock out…. (that’s not a band, but what kind I like..)
Person You Admire That’s Not a Relative: Ginny Owens who faces her blindness and only cares about pleasing her heavenly Father. People who adopt (it ain’t easy), and yet they do the difficult to love on children who need it. Maybe I’m not supposed to say my husband, but he is the first person I thought of. He never gives up, has more patience than anyone I know, and has a ton of faith and trust in the Lord. I wish I were more like him.
I really have no one to tag.
I have waited a long time to turn thirty, so I could finally be considered an adult and treated as such. When in actuality, I am part of the problem. Today I realized, that it is time to be a grown up. That involves deciding to accept things with grace and humility. I am going to try my hardest to quit complaining and look at things the way God would have me. It also involves facing problems instead of denying them or trying to run away. I have had a hard life. Some would disagree. Or perhaps, I have just made it hard due to poor choices. However, it definitely has not been easy for me. I am not complaining, just stating a fact. But I have been using that as an excuse to behave badly and not do the things I should. I have not been there for my husband to begin with. I always make it about me. The thing is, he loves me so much, that he does not ask for much. I have been focusing so much on me and my problems, that I have not even helped him with his. He is a good man. This summer, instead of spending all this extra time on my hands, focusing on myself, I am going to focus on my main two priorities. First, on my relationship with God, and second, on my relationship with my husband. That is what is important. So what, I’ve had a rough year, people do. I hope this will be a turning point in my attitude and in my healing. Thank you for listening and for being so patient with me.
I will never be pregnant. I will never feel my child kicking in my stomach, with slight flutters. I will never get to buy maternity clothes. I will never be in the hospital and be handed my new born child. I will never breast feed. I will never have a baby shower. I will never get to buy newborn diapers. I will never get to send out a birth announcement. I will never get to sing to my child in the womb. There are so many things that I will not get to experience. What will my future be like if I am not a young mother? Who am I if I am not a young mother? At this rate, I will not be a mother unless I adopt in late thirties, early forties.
Psalm 8:2 (NIV)
2 From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
Praising God silences those voices in our head that speak lies. The Father of Lies (satan) does not want us to praise, because it hurts him. Me sitting around fussing about my circumstances pleases the liar. Talking about things the way God would have me, and praising Him hurts that liar. So the best way to silence our foe is to praise God.
Between the excitement of moving, new appliances, and the hope of being pain free, I about lost it. I had a teensy weensy breakdown, okay, so it was a full on panic attack. What brought this on? Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that I am completely overwhelmed with all of the big changes in my life. Or perhaps, it is the fact that I am terrified of surgery. I think I am going to die on that table. Or it could be I am devastated I will never be pregnant, and have a child like that. Or it could be the fact that I am avoiding everything and everyone. I am only seeking my comfort, and am running from anything to do with God. I could not breathe. I could not stop crying, and I was completely irrational. I feel like my world is completely spinning out of control. Debt, infertility, pain, surgery, failing at school, no job, and the list goes on and on. Garon, my beautiful husband, believes it is a spiritual problem and has nothing to do with my circumstances. He wants me to talk to someone again. I am not seeing a counselor anymore, but I feel I need to talk to a female. I have felt constant fear and loss of control for over a week now, maybe longer. To be continued…
I just read a wonderful quote that clarified some things for me. “When a guy walks out and breaks your heart, he doesn’t have the right to label you unloved or unwanted. His rejection does not have to define you. He is not God… Only God has the right to define you.” (Marian Jordan, Sex and the City Uncovered) Wow. That was what a previous post was all about. God defines me! He says I am loved and accepted. He has the final say. I am not to give others the power over me, and to make them Gods (idols) in my life. Holy Cow. This may not seem a big deal to you, but it sure is for me. I have been allowing everyone else to label me and define me. I have continued to think I was unlovable due to what someone else said or thought or did. They do not have the last word, nor do they have the truth of the matter. I AM LOVED and ACCEPTED by the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. That feels pretty dern good…..
6 Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.
7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
Psalm 28:6-7keep looking »