Slippin’

Between the excitement of moving, new appliances, and the hope of being pain free, I about lost it. I had a teensy weensy breakdown, okay, so it was a full on panic attack. What brought this on? Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that I am completely overwhelmed with all of the big changes in my life. Or perhaps, it is the fact that I am terrified of surgery. I think I am going to die on that table. Or it could be I am devastated I will never be pregnant, and have a child like that. Or it could be the fact that I am avoiding everything and everyone. I am only seeking my comfort, and am running from anything to do with God. I could not breathe. I could not stop crying, and I was completely irrational. I feel like my world is completely spinning out of control. Debt, infertility, pain, surgery, failing at school, no job, and the list goes on and on. Garon, my beautiful husband, believes it is a spiritual problem and has nothing to do with my circumstances. He wants me to talk to someone again. I am not seeing a counselor anymore, but I feel I need to talk to a female. I have felt constant fear and loss of control for over a week now, maybe longer. To be continued…

June 17, 2008 | Filed Under Emotions, Spiritual |

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